Ebirah: Hey, hey, hey! Guess what we’re reviewing today?!
SpaceGodzilla: (mutters something)
Ebirah: Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster! YEEAAAH! That’s me! That’s me!
SpaceGodzilla: Well, at least today we have some special guests to
help us out here
Ebirah: Let’s bring ‘em out, shall we?
SpaceGodzilla: Our first guest has been seen on every single
original Star Trek episode
Ebirah: And also died over 2 years ago
SpaceGodzilla: So, let’s give a big hand for Leonard Skinner!
Spock: Thank you, thank you, but there is no need for further
pleasantries, to do so would be highly illogical
Ebirah: Yeah, this guy was by larval-stage hero
SpaceGodzilla: Yeah, whatever, let’s get this thing movin’
Ebirah: Okay, so we meet up with some guys tryin’ to win a sailboat
SpaceGodzilla: Yeesh! What’s wrong with you?! No one wants to know
about the human scenes, so movie it up a knotch, or else
I’ll knock your blinkin’ block off!
Spock: Why the unpleasantries? Can’t we all just get along?
SpaceGodzilla: You want me to stick a truckload of ‘tribbles’ down
your pants, or do you want us to move on with this review
Spock: Aye, Captain
SpaceGodzilla: Hmm… Captain, I kinda’ like the sound of that…
Ebirah: Oh yeah? Well, maybe they should call you captain CRUNCH!
(Ebirah snaps his pincers down on Spacie’s tail)
(SpaceGodzilla jumps out of the room)
Spock: Well, from what I’ve seen, that’s gotta’ be a first for this
Ebirah: Oh yeah, but, hey, I figure that if I’m gonna’ get sent piece
by piece to Red Lobster after a review, why not deserve it?
So anyways, on with the review
Spock: Yes, so they end up on some island, but there’s a terrorist
group called the Red Bamboo also on the island
Ebirah: And, of course, they would be nothing without me, their
Spock: You know, this review isn’t very funny… I came here to give
the film-going children of the world a laugh
Ebirah: Too bad that these reviews are rated PG-13, but anyway, what
do you propose we do differently?
Spock: More pain and stuff
Ebirah: Well, then let’s bring in our next guest, King of the
Spock: Oww… I can never find ear plugs for ears my size…
Godzilla: Hey, where’s Spacie?
Ebirah: Oh, he’ll be dropping in soon enough
(Spacie comes crashing down through the roof, with a Rodan roar
heard faintly in the background)
Godzilla: Ahh, here’s my astronomical super clone himself
SpaceGodzilla: Ugh…. Who would’ve thought that I could feel THAT much
pain in less than 4 minutes…
Ebirah: So, these guys figure that they’d better save the Infant
Island captives on the island by waking Godzilla
Godzilla: Heh heh heh, that electrocution sure isn’t much of a
substitute for an alarm clock, I’ll tell you what!
Spock: You should try a plasma ray set from stun to Kentucky Fried
SpaceGodzilla: Now, a-hem, I believe that I have a bit of unsettled
business with our little delicacy here
Ebirah: The alien?
Godzilla: The appetizer.
Spock: Okay, so the G-ster lays waste to the Red Bamboos’ bases
Ebirah: And then (GULP!), he heads for me!
SpaceGodzilla: Hey G-man, would you mind holding the blade on this
guillotine up for a moment?
Godzilla: No problem
Ebirah: NNNOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!!! DO SOMETHING, SPOCK!
Spock: Sorry, but I must confess, this is truly humorous
Godzilla: Ebirah? I didn’t even know that I was supposed to fight
him, I thought that I was supposed to be playing
volleyball…. So I did
Ebirah: Ha, at least I won the match
Godzilla: OH YEAH??!!! Lemme’ think, what comes next
SpaceGodzilla: I believe that you rip his claws off next
Godzilla: Oh yeah, MWA HA HA HA HA! >=^)
SpaceGodzilla: Hey, I thought that my shipment of Land-o-Lakes butter
was supposed to come in today!
Spock: Yes, I believe that Godzilla conveniently nuked it into a
delicious seafood dip as he came in
SpaceGodzilla: Brace yourself, Ebby, ‘cause these this is REALLY
going to hurt…
(Godzilla and Spacie tug off Ebirah’s arms)
Ebirah: NNNNOOOOOO! THE PAIN! WHEN WILL THE HURTING STOP? FROINLAVEN!
Godzilla: Okay, so Ebirah gets ripped to shreds, and then runs away
Ebirah: Ah ha! So because I survived the movie, I don’t get chopped
in half by the guillotine here
SpaceGodzilla: Oh, I guess that that’s right
Godzilla: Whoops? Was I supposed to hold on to this rope?
(CENSORED due to explicit violent adjectives)
SpaceGodzilla: Eww…..I guess that I’ll need a new co-host
Ebirah: You’d be surprised… at what you can live through…
Godzilla: Oh good, he’s alive, Spock, why don’t you go give him a
Spock: As you say, most honorable monster king
SpaceGodzilla: Hmph, we all know that I would’ve kicked your butt had
MOGUERA not interfered…
Godzilla: Oh? You wanna’ step outside?
SpaceGodzilla: You got it! Spock, you finish the review, I gotta’
teach this false king a thing or two about pain
Godzilla: Oh good, you get to demonstrate!
(Godzilla grabs Spacie, and chucks him outside, then runs out
there as well)
Spock: You okay now Ebirah?
Ebirah: Yeah, I think that they can grow all of those missing parts
on laboratory rats, nuked ones, though
Spock: Giant nuclear rats with lobster claws on their backs……
Ebirah: That’s how I return to make new reviews all of the time
Spock: Okay, so there’s a bomb on the island, and Mothra saves all of
the Infant Island slaves there
Ebirah: And Godzilla manages to get off the island before the bomb
goes off, usual happy ending, even though there were no
Spock: Kinda’ hard for me to massage a 50-meter lobster, you want me
to go lower
Ebirah: Yeah, just a bit… ahh… there’s the spot….ACK! THE PAIN!
Spock: Oh shoot, I hate it when I accidentally use the Vulcan death
touch when doing that
(SpaceGodzilla is whacked through the room, and out the other
side, with Godzilla following him)
Godzilla: Yep, I still got it!
Spock: I’d say that it’s about time to end this insanity
SpaceGodzilla: (With shoulder crystals cracked off, and tail missing)
Yeah…. The sooner,… the better….. anyone seen my tail?…
(Godzilla is seen slurping up a blue vine like spaghetti)
Spock: Well, you could call that found, but I don’t think that you
want it back
(SpaceGodzilla shoots out a nuclear ray, hitting Godzilla back
SpaceGodzilla: Dang straight! That’s why they call me a SUPER clone
where I come from
Spock: Time for me to return to the Enterprise
SpaceGodzilla: S’long for now!
Spock: Beam me up, Snotty, err, Scotty!
(Spock slowly disappears, and is transported back to the ship)
SpaceGodzilla: Ah-ha! So it seems that I DID beat my weak little
(Godzilla comes flying into the room, sliding on his tail, with
feet out in front, and slams into Spacie)
(Did I mention that Godzilla stepped in a giant cow pie before
he did that?)
SpaceGodzilla: Eww…. Wipe it off! Wipe it off!
Godzilla: My pleasure
(With a giant tail swing, Godzilla sends Spacie flying out of
Ebirah: Nyuck nyuck nyuck! Looks like I’m still ticking (doesn’t
notice time bomb Spacie put under him)
Godzilla: I win again!
(Godzilla jumps up and down, doing a scottish jig)
Ebirah: S’long, all, thanks for joining us!
(After Godzilla makes it into the sea, the bomb finally…..)
Ebirah: (Well, you know!) NNNYYYAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!